Sometimes people ask me what I’d be doing if I didn’t have my business, and I don’t have an answer. If you knew me growing up, you’d know that I’ve wanted to be everything under the sun; a Singer, a Dancer, an Actress, an MI6 Intelligence Officer, a Detective, a Flight Attendant, A Forensic Psychologist and a Strawberry Picker (I was 5, please don’t judge😭). But I always knew that whatever I ended up doing, I would put my all into it. My reasoning for this is that I know that by applying 100% of my efforts to one venture I can build something great, but if I split my time and resources between goals and dreams I will be mediocre in all of them. So as I find myself building Femme Brand Co., there’s nothing else on my mind. I have to see it through because if this doesn’t work out, I have nothing to fall back on*.
Burning The Ships
I’m sure most of you are familiar with the Burning Ships story, but if you aren’t, here’s a quick overview. In 1519, Hernán Cortés landed in Veracruz (Mexico, for us modern world citizens) with six hundred men. Upon arrival, he sent a very clear message to his men: There is no turning back. The idea was simple, creative and most importantly - successful. Cortés ordered his men to burn their ships. Within 2 years, Cortés and his men had conquered the Aztec Empire. But when they arrived on that shore, they only had two options; win or die trying. Now I’m not trying to die, but I’ve decided that I have no other option but to succeed in the path that I’ve chosen. There’s no turning back because there are no backup plans. I decided pretty early on that I was serious about building my business, so I burnt the ships. I stopped applying for jobs (sorry Mum & Dad😬) and I stopped allowing myself to dabble in any other business ventures; there is no turning back.
I won’t lie to you guys I still have my LinkedIn job alerts on (some of the ships are taking longer to burn than others 😅). But every time I read through job descriptions, I’m reminded that that is not the path I want to take. This is partly because I’m stubborn, and I don’t like listening to instructions or having anyone to answer to, but mostly because none of the jobs align with what I believe to be my purpose. As scary as it may be, I think that an integral part of my determination and hopefully my success is that I don’t have options. There is only one goal I have my sights set on and no real distractions. I have no choice but to put all of my focus and efforts into making those 7 figures and helping other women to do the same. Ultimately, plan A has to work because I don’t have a plan B.
Essentially, burning the ships is about deciding on a point of no return. Having a way out or a safety net is comforting but to me, it’s just a defence mechanism and a form of self-doubt. Burning the ships is about letting go of everything that doesn’t align with the end goal, even if it means making money or possibly finding success elsewhere. I have made the psychological commitment to cross that point of no return and not look over my shoulder. Everything now — all of my thoughts and efforts — have to be focused on succeeding in this new reality. This decision requires me to wholeheartedly believe in my vision and my ability to execute that vision. But as I watch my friends starting their careers, landing full-time jobs, booking holidays and buying cars, it's difficult not to let the self-doubt creep in. I start to think maybe I need those ships I’ve just burnt.
In Comes The Self-Doubt…
As an entrepreneur, I doubt myself daily. And I promise you, other entrepreneurs do it too, no matter how confident and self-assured they may appear. The doubt makes me wonder whether I’ve made the wrong decision, whether all of my efforts are in vain, and whether 6 months down the line I’ll be dusting off my CV and preparing to account for my 2-year gap in employment. Sacrificing the peace, security and independence that comes with having a full-time job leads to a lot of doubt. Imposter Syndrome has me by the neck, and I find myself constantly questioning my ability and second-guessing my decisions. I have learnt that all of these doubts stem from fear. Yes, I burnt the ships, but the possibility of not succeeding is still very real, and it’s difficult not to look over my shoulder at what could have been. The truth is we all have fears and self-doubt and it’s a perfectly normal part of life, but how you deal with them is what will set you apart from others.
I Don’t Have All The Answers
So, how do you deal with it? Well, just like Sway, I don’t have all the answers, but I’m going to try to help you out. Most people will tell you to counteract self-doubt with self-belief, but that’s the same as telling someone who is sad to just be happy; it’s empty and useless. I could sit here and tell you to believe in yourself, but that’s not practical. Instead, I’ll share some actions I’ve learnt that help me to overcome self-doubt. Before we get into it, I just want to highlight that self-doubt isn’t something I think anyone can overcome completely. No matter what stage of life you’re in or how much you have achieved, you will always doubt yourself in some way. But I do believe that there are active ways of countering the self-doubt and not allowing it to set you back. For me, burning the ships was one of them, but here are some more practical ways of dealing with self-doubt as an entrepreneur:
Acknowledge how far you’ve come:
The first thing I like to do when doubt creeps in is to put things into perspective. My vision is to level the playing field for all female entrepreneurs and give them the resources they need to be successful, so in the grand scheme of things, 40 clients are nothing. But when I remember that a year ago, the idea for my business didn’t even exist, and I had a very basic understanding of branding, the doubt becomes less crippling. Why? Because 40 clients in less than a year of operating is an incredible achievement, and it’s 40 clients closer to reaching my goal. Acknowledging how far you’ve come allows you to shift your focus. Instead of fixating on your skills and what needs to be done, focus on how much you have achieved and how those achievements are part of the bigger picture.
Feel the fear and do it anyway:
This one of my favourite quotes because it’s actionable. Fear and self-doubt will likely always be a part of your thought process, but this shouldn’t stop you from living your life. As I said, I doubt myself daily, but (almost) every day I still put my all into making my business successful. The fear that I feel will never stop me from working towards my vision. Take the time to understand everything that scares you and why, and then go out and do it anyway. In the words of a friend of mine (you can find him here for more gems), “Just do it. What’s the worst that could happen? You’re not gonna die, so just do it.”🤷🏾♀️
Get with the winning team:
The people you surround yourself with matters. We’ll talk more about this in a second, but I believe that we are all products of our environment. The things we choose to pay attention to and the people we spend time with have a huge impact on our outlook on life and how we navigate it. If you surround yourself with people whose default setting is doubt and negativity, you too will begin to internalise that. You shouldn’t surround yourself with ‘Yes Men’ who will cosign every crazy idea you come up with, but you do have to choose the people around you carefully. Surround yourself with purposeful people, optimists, and big dreamers, in moments of doubt; they will definitely help you to persevere.
Always stay gracious:
YOU👏🏾ARE👏🏾 HU👏🏾MAN👏🏾. I’m shouting because I need you to hear me. No one has all of the answers, and no one gets it right all the time. It’s for this reason, that we all deserve grace. Being hard on yourself is a sure-fire way to set you back. Some of your doubts may have merit but remember that you are on a journey, and it’s a learning curve. Karl Benz likely doubted his ability to invent the car, and his first factory was a failure. If he had allowed this to stop him, he wouldn’t have gone on to produce the first flat engine. There is still time to learn new skills, improve your work and correct any mistakes. Give yourself the grace to navigate every part of the journey at your own pace, nothing is better than overcoming your own doubts.
Focus on the solution, not the problem:
When I’m in doubt, I’m definitely guilty of focusing on the problem and catastrophising. I will imagine the worst possible scenario and everything that could possibly go wrong. This takes up a lot of energy. It’s a difficult change to make, but that refocusing that energy on finding solutions is much more productive. If you feel like you don’t know enough, read and learn more. If it feels as though the vision is too out of reach, break it down into smaller actionable goals and work towards those first. Being solutions-focused will save you a lot of time and energy, and it will make you feel better. When your focal point is the solution, there isn’t even any time to doubt yourself.
But Wait, There’s MORE🙂
As if the self-doubt wasn’t enough, other people will doubt you too. Some with malicious intent, others with your best interests at heart, and some who just don’t understand the vision. I know I said we need to stay away from negative people, but everyone who doubts you and your vision doesn’t need to be public enemy No.1. When you decide to burn the ships, there will be a multitude of reactions, and it’s easy to get defensive, but sometimes you just need to understand where people are coming from before responding.
To explain it further, let’s look at it this way; when a farmer plants a seed, they believe that that seed will grow and flourish and produce beautiful fruit. I want you to imagine that you’re that farmer. Of course, there’s the possibility that despite all of your best efforts, the tree may never grow or bear fruit, and you might worry about this — this is self-doubt. Now let’s imagine three people come and visit you, we’ll name them Eva, Jay and Trya. Eva tells you that your seed will never amount to anything no matter how hard you try because you’re not a good enough farmer — this is malicious intent. Jay, your brother, is worried about how you will feed yourself if the tree doesn’t grow and suggests that maybe you should go to the store and find something else as a backup — this is someone with your best interest at heart. Finally, Tyra tells you that it’s silly for you to be working and waiting for this ‘amazing tree’ because all she can see is soil. Tyra is someone who doesn’t understand the vision. Because she can’t see the tree and the fruit, she can't fathom why you’re working so hard. I believe we should approach each type of person differently, and I will let you know how:
The Malicious
These are the trolls. Personally, I choose to not give them any time or energy. We can justify why they feel the need to spew hate, but ultimately we need to understand that the vitriol has no merit. If you’re the type of person who is motivated by adversity, use their negative words to push yourself further. If you’re like me and at risk of taking the negativity to heart, delete, erase and unfollow!
The Ones with Your Best Interests at Heart
This one hurts the most because we want the people around us to support us, but it’s important to remember that these people only doubt because they care. And as much as it hurts, sometimes they are right. With these people, it’s important to understand where their doubt comes from. Be ready to listen without getting defensive and understand their point of view. Their doubts shouldn’t dictate what you do, but they can help you make better decisions.
The Ones Who Don’t Understand the Vision
These are my favourites. I love when someone doesn’t understand the vision because it gives me a chance to explain it and BOY do I get passionate😂. Having the opportunity to speak about your vision and why it’s so important is the best way to stay focused and refine your ‘why’. They may still not be on board until they start to see tangible results, but it’s still a chance for you to get better at articulating your vision.
Let’s Wrap This Up
So farmers, what can we take from this week’s newsletter? Well, for me, burning the ships was the only way I could fully commit to my vision and begin letting go of the self-doubt that was holding me back. However, being able to dedicate 100% of my time to building my business is a privilege. I want to make it clear that for you, that may not work right now. If you need your ships to survive and put food on the table, please put the lighter down. But remember that there are many ways to deal with doubt from within yourself and from other people. Just believing in yourself isn’t enough, you have to back that belief with actions that will help you succeed. Always take time to acknowledge how far you’ve come, focus on finding solutions, surround yourself with people who want to see you win, give yourself grace and most importantly, feel the fear and do it anyway. There is nothing wrong with staying on board the ship until you no longer need it, but don’t let the comfort of that deck stop you from conquering your island. When you’re ready, get out, burn every ship and don’t look back.
*Full disclosure, this isn’t entirely true. I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology. But to use it, I would have to get an additional degree and complete 2 years of unpaid work experience before qualifying to be a practitioner.
Absolutely loved this piece. Very insightful, and not having a plan B is not an option for me at present but I need serious structure for my plan A so I jump off my ship and strike a match!! I have come so far and thank you for the reminder to look at what’s been achieved and not just focus on what hasn’t been completed yet